Belated and late thank you notes, cards and letters: always better late than never

The time is always right to do what is right.
Martin Luther King, Jr., clergyman & civil rights activist (1929-1968)


Most of us know the feeling - you procrastinate over writing that thank you note, and suddenly it's been weeks (or longer!) and your good intentions have been replaced by guilt and a slightly sick feeling.

What to do? Well, there's only one way to remedy this sorry situation - get busy and write that note!

Some people worry that a late thank you note will only make things even more awkward. After all, won't it remind the recipient that they didn't receive a prompt thank you, and make you look bad? Isn't it better (and of course easier) to just forget the whole thing and make an effort to do better next time?

Don't kid yourself! There's a 99% chance that the person who gave you the gift, invited you to the event or did you a kindness or favor is keenly aware that you haven't thanked them. They may be too polite to mention it to you, but that doesn't mean that they've forgotten.

After all, having sent a gift or done someone a favor, would you rather face a permanent silence (possibly not even knowing if the gift arrived safely, or whether the favor was helpful), or belatedly hear that your present / favor was indeed worthwhile and appreciated (they just didn't get around to telling you)?

My parents (who are not generally the type to hold grudges) still smart slightly over the fact that good friends of theirs never thanked them for their wedding present... and that was nigh on 40 years ago! It's human nature, and the only way to put things right is to write and send a note, however long it has been.


Saying thank you: better late than never

Whether you write a thank you note days, weeks or even years late, it will be cathartic for you (you can finally relax knowing that you've done the right thing) and is sure to be appreciated by the recipient, instantly taking the sting out of any hurt or disappointment your initial lack of thanks may have caused. A note of thanks is something where you can be sure that 'better late than never' really does hold true.
A cousin of mine took well over a year to write thank you notes for her wedding gifts. After months of putting off the task, she finally faced up to the fact that it was something that would haunt her forever if she didn't get it done. Completing them was a great weight off her mind, and she was pleasantly surprised at the warmth with which her notes were received.

 Similarly, my friend Diane had lost contact with an old friend of hers despite having received a lot of help and support from her during a difficult period of her life. The fact that Diane had never properly thanked her friend for this made her feel awkward and reluctant to get in touch again. She finally wrote a simple but heartfelt thank you note, and even though a decade had passed, it was happily received and re-opened the channels of contact once more.

Guidelines for writing belated thank you notes

So, what is the correct etiquette for a belated thank you note? Well, although I'm generally a fan of slightly longer, more 'chatty' thank you notes and cards, I'm a firm believer that belated thank yous are best kept short, simple and sincere.
  • Keep the tone cheerful and upbeat, and focus on the recipient's thoughtfulness and kindness, not on yourself.
  • A brief apology for the lateness of the note is quite sufficient. Avoid explanations and excuses about why you didn't write earlier - such wordings risk diluting your gratitude and sincerity. As my grandmother sometimes said, 'excuses are suspicious, and you're better off without them'. So even if you have a genuine excuse for not writing earlier, resist the temptation to mention it - the last thing you want is for your note to come across as whiney, or even slightly accusatory ("how unfair it was of you to expect a prompt thank you note when I was having to deal with the loss of my job / death of a relative etc. etc.").
  • Never let your 'sorry' outweigh the 'thank you'. It may be woefully late, but this is still a thank you note, and its focus should be on what the recipient has done for you.
  • Remember that the purpose of the belated thank you note is to express your gratitude, which will in turn serve to heal any resentment, and allow your relationship to move on. If you have news to communicate, say about a new job or upcoming vacation, save it for another card or letter to be sent a week or so later.

How to write your belated or late thank you notes - A step by step guide

Care should be taken to make overdue thank you notes especially gracious and well worded, in other to compensate for their lateness. Having said that, writing them is not difficult. Just follow these three steps:


Step 1:

First of all, briefly excuse the lateness of your thank you note and express thanks at the same time. Resist the temptation to give a reason for the lateness of the note. A single sentence is fine, for example:
I'm so very sorry for not having acknowledged the beautiful scarf you sent me several months ago.

or

Sincere apologies for the lateness of this note, however we want you to know how much we enjoyed the party back in September.


Other useful introductory sentences include:
  • A belated - but heartfelt - thank you for...
  • I'm truly sorry for being so late in thanking you for...
  • So sorry for the long silence - I was delighted to receive...
  • Apologies that I have taken so long to get in touch to thank you for...
  • I am ashamed that this note is so very late, but I really want to thank you for...
  • A very tardy thank you for...
  • This note is horribly late, but we really were delighted with the...
  • My thanks for your kindness are well overdue, and I hope you'll forgive me the delay.
  • I'm very sorry that it has taken me so long to write to thank you for...
  • I know that this note has been very long in coming, but I want you to know how much I appreciate...
  • I am dismayed to realize that I never properly thanked you for...


Step 2:

As with any thank you note, focus on the gift, favor or kindness received - describing your thoughts and reaction with one or two carefully worded sentences of appreciation. Make sure to be specific, mentioning the thing you are grateful for by name (rather than just referring to 'the gift' or 'your help'). Add an additional sentence or two about how much it meant to you, and describing any longer lasting effects (for example happy memories of an event, a gift that you regularly use or enjoy...).

 For example:
  • The necklace is simply stunning and I love it. I already wore it with a deep purple dress to a friend's birthday and it garnered so many compliments.
  • You know how much I love my coffee, and the mugs are getting a whole lot of use. I resisted keeping them 'for best' because they are just so lovely that I want to use them every single day!
  • It was a great event, and I haven't laughed so much for ages. Certainly Alex's hilarious story about his trip to Paris will stay in my memory for a long time!


Step 3:

Keeping the focus on the recipient, enquire about how they are. Ask about their children, job, plans for the summer... You may also like to suggest that you get together - on the phone or in person - sometime soon.
  • I trust that you and Jim are keeping well, and I do hope we can get together again in the next month or two.
  • I hope things are good for you at work. It would be great to catch up over a coffee. Would next week work for you?
  • Hasn't the weather been beautiful recently! I guess you're making the most of it out in the garden. Are your roses blooming yet? I'll give you a call on the weekend, and look forward to talking to you then.


Step 4:

Finally, finish up the note by reiterating your thanks, keeping it brief and sincere, for example:
  • Thank you again for all your help.
  • I have to repeat how much I love the vase - thank you!
  • I am so grateful for everything you've done for us. God bless you.
  • You are a superstar! What would we do without you?
  • Many thanks for the beautiful gift.
  • Once again, it was so kind of you, and I do appreciate it.
  • I'm so touched that you thought of me, thank you.


Sample late thank you notes and messages

Here are some complete thank you note examples that you may use or adapt for your own personal use:

A long overdue thank you note for a gift:
Dear Auntie Susan,

 Thank you so much for the fantastic spa pamper set and I'm so sorry that it has taken me so long to get in touch. The parcel arrived on the morning of my birthday and was a wonderful surprise. I especially love the bath crystals and the body lotion. You are so thoughtful - a bit of pampering was just what I need in this chilly weather! We're all fine here, and I hope you are too. Do you have plans for the holidays? It would be lovely to see you if you are able to fit in a trip over this way.

 With lots of love,
Stephanie


A late note of thanks for a dinner party:
Dear Mark and Michelle,

 I do apologize for this very late note, but I want you to know how very much Matt and I enjoyed the wonderful dinner last month. A delicious meal (I'm still dreaming about your chocolate mousse!) and great company - altogether a lovely evening. I hope the new school term has got off to a good start, and that Michael is feeling better. Let's chat on the phone soon!

 Thanks again and all the best,
Lily and Matt


Belated thanks for help in a crisis (broken down car):
Dear Kelly,

 How very rude of me not to have contacted you weeks ago, I'm so sorry. I want to offer my sincere thanks for your wonderful help when my car broke down. Without your cheerful willingness to drive John and me to the hospital that afternoon there could have been serious consequences, and I am deeply grateful for your help. You are a dear friend, and you really saved the day. Thank you so much.

 Let's make time to get together again soon,
Jayne




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